A year ago today…

 

We miss Kaua’i!

the worst has happened

We lost a good friend last week.

 

I might have cried.  The noise it made as it hit the concrete was sickening.  Then all my lemon water spilled out.  And I had nothing to drink all morning.  You know your addiction is bad when you tell your boss and she gasps and tells you that you should take a long lunch to go get a new one.  You also know you have an awesome boss.  Six hours with no water almost killed me.  I’d like to introduce to you the newest member of my hydration family….

I don’t like it as much, but it’s growing on me.

I realized something last week.  My alarm went off from 4:20 am until 6:30 all week.  I cannot make myself get out of bed.  It was never easy, but it wasn’t as bad as sticking a hot poker in my leg.  Apparently it wasn’t just my endurance I lost, but also my habit.  It’s really starting to piss me off and I need to get my booty going.  Before work is the only time I can work out.  As I was driving to work Friday I saw a runner and was so jealous.  Then reminded myself that it could have been me and it’s my own fault.  I’m working on it.

I’ve haven’t really talked about it yet, but I used to have major anxiety.  To the point where I’d throw up and sometimes pass out.  I don’t know what causes it, and even when I have no stress in my life it would still show its ugly face.  My doctor offered me some pills that I had to take daily, but I don’t get anxiety daily, so that didn’t seem like the best option to me.  So she prescribed me Xanax that I could take as needed.  I took it twice, a month apart.  It made a big difference.  My anxiety was gone, but I still didn’t like the way I felt.  I don’t like taking medicine.  I started training for my marathon in January.  Two months went by and I realized I hadn’t had an anxiety attack one time.  I hadn’t even had anxiety.

Since hurting my foot on April 16 I haven’t really done much.  The doctor told me to take a month off from any kind of exercise and to stay off my feet.  I felt better sooner than that so I tried running again.  If it wasn’t my foot it was my hip, knee, ankle, back… something.  Something always hurt.  I have run maybe six times since then, and maybe three workouts besides running.  I’ve been in kind of funk since then.  I have been emotional and irritable.  I knew it was from lack of running, I just didn’t know why.  Friday as I was walking through my shop my hands went numb and “I need a Xanax” passed through my head.  I immediately felt horrible.  I haven’t felt that in six months.  That’s when I REALLY knew, it’s time.  No more slacking, no more excuses.  Even if I can’t run I can do something.  I did run 0.75 miles a week and a half ago and felt great, so that’s where I’m starting.  I hope to slowly build up mileage again, but if it hurts I won’t.  We’ll just see what happens.  But for now, I know I have to do something.

Bike 4.25 miles 15:00, 45 minutes of legs and core

octopus and avocado

This week I went to the store because I need heaven an avocado.

I’m still dying to try a fried egg and avocado sandwich thanks to Bess Be Fit!  Anyway… while shopping I came across a little treat.  Um, why the freak are these in my grocery store?

 

Freakiest things ever.  They still had their eyeballs and everything.  I try not to judge animals food until I try it, but I am NOT eating something’s eyeballs.  Hell to the no.

I am a little paranoid about my car.  My husband wore his shoes he mows the lawn with in my car the other day.  I got in the next day and noticed grass all over the floor.  His black eye is from falling down the stairs.  Promise.  I forgave him because his hair is red and he has a nice ass.  I only wish that people would realize that I am parking on the farthest side of the parking lot to AVOID parking next to people.  It never fails when I leave work though that I have a car on each side of me, and ten open spaces in each direction.  COME ON!!  And I’ve never named a car before, but thanks to Katie I think her name just might be Miss Ruby.

Did I mention my husband packs my lunch every night?  He does.  And apparently sometimes my rotten monster pug helps.

a new goal

I have a new goal.  It’s ridiculous.  I love it.  My goal is to wear every dress I own this summer.  I have quite a few dresses, but I feel like such a weirdo wearing them.  I grew up thinking dresses were stupid because that’s what happens when you are raised as a tom boy.  No matter how casual the dress I feel fancy and I always feel overdressed and self-conscious when I wear them.  But I love them.  So my goal this year is to wear each one, and not just around the house, and to do it confidently.  I have some freakin’ cute dresses and they are probably sick of the closet.  Dresses have feelings too.

The other day somebody moved my purse and I thought it had been stolen.  Is it sad that I was more upset about my purse missing than the actual contents inside of it??  I can cancel all my credit cards, but I may never be able to find this purse again.  I love that thing.

School is so hectic this time around.  There is so much more homework and a lot more to learn than there was last round of schooling.  It’s A LOT to take in.  I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t do much besides work, school and study these days.  My poor blog is a little neglected.  Priorities.  I love being at home more, but I really miss my internship.  I loved it so much!  The people were so great to work with and I learned a lot.  I do think there is a lack of compassion in health care though.  I watched one lady unwrap a guy’s hand.  He kept saying she was hurting him and she acted like he was faking.  She wasn’t being rough, but she could have been more gentle.  Even if he is being dramatic, he’s in major pain and has a right to be a bit dramatic.  While I was there a nurse was walking around telling people, “Come look at this freak!” about a baby just a few hours old.  She was born with a slight deformity in her hand.  She was such a beautiful baby.  I wanted to punch that nurse in the face.  I tried to get her name to turn her in, but never could.  I get that you can’t be devastated for every patient that comes in.  You have to distance yourself a little or the sadness is overwhelming.  But I do think there is a happy medium, and many of the people I worked with need to find that.  I hope I can always make somebody feel a little better.  I always know I’m seeing most of them at their hardest time.

a break from running

I’m going to take a little break from running.  Each time I run something different hurts.  Right now it’s the outside of my left ankle.  So for the next two weeks I’m going to lift.  I think I need to build my muscle back up so that I have more strength to run.  I’ve been a huge slacker with weights.  And running has been minimal thanks to pain.  My jeans are starting to get a little tight.  Not happy.  I have man calves muscle naturally, so it won’t be hard to get where I need to be.

No, it’s not a tumor.

Remember how my mom started running?  She called me yesterday to tell me about the shoe analysis she just had done and about her new, awesome running shoes.  She pushes off with her heels, so they hooked her up with some shoes to fix that.  They didn’t tell her that running differently would use different muscles and that running five miles might hurt like hell.  Her legs are super tight.  And she was excited about that… You know what they say… parents grow up to be just like their children.  AND she said she still owes me a birthday gift and asked if I still wanted LiLash or if I wanted new running shoes.  Running shoes baby!  I’ll take a hot body running over long eyelashes any day!  I think my Vibrams might be causing my issues.  I still want minimalist shoes, but I’m thinking something with a little more cushion will help me out.  I’m hoping they’ll tell me to go with the ones I had already decided to get because they are green I’ve heard great things.

Saucony Grid Type A4.  Beautiful.

I typed this up at work, then got home and felt fabulous.  So I uh… went for a run.  I decided to take my pug because he breathes louder than I do and it masks my choking noises is getting fat.  I knew he wouldn’t make it too far so I let him decide the distance.  0.74 miles in 6:42.  Turns out dogs get running trots too.  Poor guy.

I am a spoiled brat

It’s true.  I’m a spoiled brat.  But not for the reasons people seem to call me that for.  Like my new car.  I don’t think spending a quarter of my income on a new car means I’m a spoiled brat.  It means I work hard and pay my bills.  I also got called a spoiled brat A LOT when I bought my first house, brand new, at 18.  Working 80 hours a week to pay for it kind of disqualified me from the whole spoiled brat category.  Just sayin’.  My husband packs my lunch every night.  He tickles and rubs my feet every night for hours while we hang out.  He makes dinner 80 percent of the time.  Ok 95 percent of the time.  He takes me on dates.  He does the dishes every day.  And about four million other things.  Yeah, I am a spoiled brat.  Big time.  But the next person who calls me that because of my car is getting punched in the kidney.  Mmmkay?

Now that we have that cleared up meet the new love of my life car!!

10.5 hours of shopping later and I had me a 2011 Kia Sportage.

13 miles on it.  THIRTEEN!!

She looks marron-ish in these because it’s dark, but she is actually BRIGHT red!!

Don’t you just love her??  It has blue tooth phone, which I knew would make people on speaker phone throughout my car, but it also downloads my ringtone and when somebody calls it plays it through all my speakers.  The safety features on it are amazing.  It plays my iPod.  And the glove box is air conditioned to keep water bottles cold.  Read that last sentence as many times as you want… it isn’t a typo 🙂

Before car shopping I got my butt outta bed and went for a run.  We hit up the parkway, and it was beautiful as expected.  No bums this time.  What the!  I guess early morning is a good time to go.  That place was loaded with other runners.  They make me jealous, because right now I really feel like I suck.  I’m trying to relearn to breathe.  My allergies are killing me so I’m choking on spit and snot the whole time.  No wonder my husband can’t keep his hands off me.  Mucus=irresistable.  I kept having to take walk breaks and it leaves me wondering… what the shit!!  It is so frustrating.  I just ran a marathon and I can’t make it three miles without stopping.  I’m calming my frustrations though and telling myself I’ll get “there”.  What makes me even more mad is the pain.  My whole left leg has hurt ever since… hip, knee, ankle and foot.  So I have a new plan.  Starting even slower.  I’m going at this SLOWLY.  As slow as my body needs to.  Because getting “there” fast doesn’t mean crap if I’m getting “there” injured.

In other news, my anti-running mother is suddenly running.  AND loving it!!  She started texting me the other day about rest days and cross training.  I wasn’t sure if it was her or if somebody stole her phone.  I’m so freakin’ excited!!  She ran FOUR MILES without stopping.  That is huge.  I’m wondering if I can talk her into a marathon after all.  Usually when I bring it up she looks at me like she is considering shanking me.  Maybe we can get “there” together.

crazy weeks are ova!

Well, for now anyways.  There seems to be more crazy weeks in my life than chill ones.  I drive myself crazy but I like being busy.  I just REALLY miss my husband.  Hopefully I can find a job doing phlebotomy a few nights a week until I’m ready to transfer over full time.

Today is a pretty exciting day!!  After my run I’m headed to (hopefully) get a new car!  I’m so excited about the run too.  Two of my good friends are coming with me and I’m taking them to a place they’ve never ran before.  I love this place!  It’s a paved trail, lined with trees and runs along the side of the Ogden River.  We are going just as the sun will be rising over the mountain we will be running towards.  It sounds magical, but if you know Utah, you know Ogden is ghetto.  The trail was their way of trying to make it nicer.  I think it’s turned into a place for the bums and drug dealers to hang out.

Last time I ran this I took my little sister with me.  I found a blood trail that lasted for miles.  Maybe it’s the hunter in me, but I had to follow it.  There is wildlife up there so I assumed it was animal blood.  About three miles in C grabbed my arm and said something was moving in the trees.  I figured she was just freaking herself out, so like a good sister I told her to shut it.  I heard something above us and looked up expecting a bird in the trees.  Imagine my surprise when I saw a bum in the trees about ten feet up.  They are an endangered species, the tree bum.  I planned on continuing down the trail, I mean stranger things have happened.  But he jumped out of the tree, landing gracefully in front of us.  And then he chased us.  Cigarettes and booze probably aren’t the best running fuel so he only made it about a half mile before he disappeared into the trees again.  And I had to wonder what really left that blood trail.

In hindsight, we should have probably called the cops.  But we were so freaked out we just wanted to get the hell out of there.  I’ll be sure to take my mace this time.  I’m pretty sure the three of us could kick a bum’s ass, endangered or not.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… they need to make running holsters.  My pistol doesn’t fit in my SPI belt.  But then again, where do you hide a gun in spandex?

so, what’s new with you??

I haven’t been around much lately.  This whole being-a-grown-up thing is a pain in my blog.  Life has been pretty sweet though.  Hectic, crazy, exhausting, and amazing.  I love, love, love my internship.  It has been so much fun!!  And I am totally bummed that I only have ten(ish) hours left to complete my course.  It will be nice to have my nights back with my husband, and time to do homework.  But I am going to miss that place.  I have learned a lot, and seen some pretty crazy things.  Last night as I was drawing blood on a teenage girl she passed out.  Mid sentence.  She was totally calm before, not scared, so very unexpected.  Scared the hell out of me.  I handled it fabulously though.  Pulled the needle out, capped it, grabbed her and yelled for help and we laid her down on the floor.  The girls I work with said that it actually happens all the time.  We have also drawn on a guy as he was getting heart surgery, and another as they were shocking him with the paddles to revive him.  And here I thought I’d just be sitting in a lab…

While I’m busy working away like crazy, Spring has finally come in Utah.  It is supposed to be 77 on Friday.  In Utah.  Let’s just hope it stays.  We hopped on a plane to elope on June 10th last year.  In a friggin blizzard.  Not this year!  Right, Mother Nature???  If it snows while we are camping for Memorial I will cry.

We planned to sell my car at the end of the year, but decided to just do it now.  I need something bigger to deliver cakes in, and my husband doesn’t know how to hates driving stick shift, so he refuses to drive my car.  It sucks when we go somewhere and I’m too tired to drive home, or a contact falls out and I’m half blind.  Driving half blind is always an adventure though, right?  It’s not like the neighbors needed their mailbox anyway.  I kid.

My burns are healing up nicely.  They are just big, bright red scars now.  Does anybody else think scars are awesome??  They are like tattoos of your history.  Or tattoos of your stupidity if you are like me.  I have one across my stomach because I laid on a clothes iron when I was about a year old.  Yep, it’s still there.  You think I’d realize it was hot and get the freak off it.  Not me.  I just laid there.  But, who can blame a one year old?  The one from the base of my thumb to my wrist is from the time I was opening a box, slipped and cut all the way to the bone.  I must be some sort of freak of nature because pain doesn’t really bother me.  I had blood pouring down my arm.  All I did was cover it with my other hand and walked up to a coworker and calmly said, “Hey, I need stitches.”  For some reason I was calming her down.  I thought it was pretty cool.  This one was caused by holding my hair with my left hand, flat iron with my right, talking to my husband and sliding the flat iron too far over, grabbing my wrist in the hot plates.  It doesn’t get much smarter than that.

Strangely enough they looked like volume buttons for a remote control.  Even stranger is that when my husband pushed the down button, I never got any quieter.  Maybe next time I’ll try to burn a mute button into my skin.

So, what’s new with you??  What are you excited for?  Do you have tattoos of stupidity history?

ankward picture, just for you

Yesterday was my first run in three weeks.  I really wanted to take it slow, around ten minute miles, and not push too hard and end up hurt again.  I took it a little slower than I wanted to, but I got it done!!  Mentally it felt fabulous.  Physically I felt like I was completely starting over again.  I even have my calf pains that I used to get in the beginning.  They are so tight!  I’m running again, and I am so happy!!  2.93 miles in 30:36, first two miles uphill.  Jamie even came with me!!  My splits are all over the place.  Mile 1: 9:38, Mile 2: 12:19, Last .93: 8:37.

Life is still crazy hectic next week, my 14-15 hour days are now 15-16 hour days so I won’t be doing much running until next weekend.  After that though I’m back at it at 5:00 am.  Speaking of a rough life, I don’t even know how she manages to get through the stress of hers…

I don’t get to lay in bed and read whatever I want this weekend.  My teacher decided to assign five chapters of homework due on the first night of class, so I’m spending the weekend doing that.  I can tell this is going to be a rough class already.  I’m so excited!!  I feel a little better about all this homework after laying in bed for the last hour with the windows open.  Spring is finally here!!

One of my biggest problem areas during training is my IT band.  My uncle is a physical therapist and taught me a stretch that really helps me out.  It’s awkward.  Awkward photos were meant for blogging, right?

Does my butt look big at this angle??  Ha ha!  So stand in front of something stable for balance, put your right leg behind the left, and as you squat push that right leg straight to your left until it starts to stretch your IT band.  For a little more, tilt your torso to the left.  And do it to the other side.  This is the only thing that makes my hip feels better, hope it helps you too!!

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mommies out there!!

i ran

This was supposed to post Wednesday.  I’m not really sure why it didn’t work.

I am loving my internship so much.  It is extremely sad, but knowing I am helping is amazing.  I really, really like being there.  Between work and the hospital I am working over 14 hours a day, and next week that gets upped to 15, AND I start school.  I really planned to get back to the gym this week, but when my alarm goes off I just can’t do it.  I’m exhausted.  I haven’t washed my hair since Saturday.  I promise I planned to this morning, but my alarm went off from 4:30 until 6:10.  I finally got my butt out of bed and headed to work.  Late.  I feel sluggish.  I am working so slowly and I just don’t want to be here.  Then the time comes to go to the hospital and I suddenly have energy and I’m excited.  Maybe it’s just an attitude thing, since I haven’t been loving my job lately.  When I get tired I am a baby.  I get emotional and whiney.  I’ve said it before… my husband is a lucky, lucky man.  What would he do without his wife crying because the heater died in her car and she was cold?  I may or may not have claimed that my tears froze to my cheeks.  I’m not dramatic or anything.  You think getting it fixed would have made me feel better, but then I just cried about having to spend $200 on it, when I really want more running shoes.  If you want to feel more sane about yourself, give me a call.  I promise when I’m crying because the peanut butter is so low in the jar that I get it on my hands trying to get to it you’ll feel better about yourself.  I’m exhausted, I’m whiney, but I’m not complaining.  I LOVE working at the hospital.

Last night we had an emergency situation and we had to run through the hospital to get to the ER.  All I could think was, “I’m running.  I’m RUNNING!!  AND MY FOOT DOESN’T HURT!!”  It still doesn’t hurt.  At all.  Muah ha ha ha!!  Saturday, it’s on.  I’m going for a real run.  By real I mean one where I don’t have needles and syringes in my hands.  I still have tan lines from my Garmin.  I think it’s time to make those a little more prominent.  I’ve always heard some men find tan lines sexy… they were talking about wrist tan lines, RIGHT??

My other plans for Saturday include laying in my bed all day with my new favorite blanket finishing my book, starting my new one, and getting caught up on my Runner’s World.  Once school starts all my reading will be from a text book.  Blah.