the worst has happened

We lost a good friend last week.

 

I might have cried.  The noise it made as it hit the concrete was sickening.  Then all my lemon water spilled out.  And I had nothing to drink all morning.  You know your addiction is bad when you tell your boss and she gasps and tells you that you should take a long lunch to go get a new one.  You also know you have an awesome boss.  Six hours with no water almost killed me.  I’d like to introduce to you the newest member of my hydration family….

I don’t like it as much, but it’s growing on me.

I realized something last week.  My alarm went off from 4:20 am until 6:30 all week.  I cannot make myself get out of bed.  It was never easy, but it wasn’t as bad as sticking a hot poker in my leg.  Apparently it wasn’t just my endurance I lost, but also my habit.  It’s really starting to piss me off and I need to get my booty going.  Before work is the only time I can work out.  As I was driving to work Friday I saw a runner and was so jealous.  Then reminded myself that it could have been me and it’s my own fault.  I’m working on it.

I’ve haven’t really talked about it yet, but I used to have major anxiety.  To the point where I’d throw up and sometimes pass out.  I don’t know what causes it, and even when I have no stress in my life it would still show its ugly face.  My doctor offered me some pills that I had to take daily, but I don’t get anxiety daily, so that didn’t seem like the best option to me.  So she prescribed me Xanax that I could take as needed.  I took it twice, a month apart.  It made a big difference.  My anxiety was gone, but I still didn’t like the way I felt.  I don’t like taking medicine.  I started training for my marathon in January.  Two months went by and I realized I hadn’t had an anxiety attack one time.  I hadn’t even had anxiety.

Since hurting my foot on April 16 I haven’t really done much.  The doctor told me to take a month off from any kind of exercise and to stay off my feet.  I felt better sooner than that so I tried running again.  If it wasn’t my foot it was my hip, knee, ankle, back… something.  Something always hurt.  I have run maybe six times since then, and maybe three workouts besides running.  I’ve been in kind of funk since then.  I have been emotional and irritable.  I knew it was from lack of running, I just didn’t know why.  Friday as I was walking through my shop my hands went numb and “I need a Xanax” passed through my head.  I immediately felt horrible.  I haven’t felt that in six months.  That’s when I REALLY knew, it’s time.  No more slacking, no more excuses.  Even if I can’t run I can do something.  I did run 0.75 miles a week and a half ago and felt great, so that’s where I’m starting.  I hope to slowly build up mileage again, but if it hurts I won’t.  We’ll just see what happens.  But for now, I know I have to do something.

Bike 4.25 miles 15:00, 45 minutes of legs and core

octopus and avocado

This week I went to the store because I need heaven an avocado.

I’m still dying to try a fried egg and avocado sandwich thanks to Bess Be Fit!  Anyway… while shopping I came across a little treat.  Um, why the freak are these in my grocery store?

 

Freakiest things ever.  They still had their eyeballs and everything.  I try not to judge animals food until I try it, but I am NOT eating something’s eyeballs.  Hell to the no.

I am a little paranoid about my car.  My husband wore his shoes he mows the lawn with in my car the other day.  I got in the next day and noticed grass all over the floor.  His black eye is from falling down the stairs.  Promise.  I forgave him because his hair is red and he has a nice ass.  I only wish that people would realize that I am parking on the farthest side of the parking lot to AVOID parking next to people.  It never fails when I leave work though that I have a car on each side of me, and ten open spaces in each direction.  COME ON!!  And I’ve never named a car before, but thanks to Katie I think her name just might be Miss Ruby.

Did I mention my husband packs my lunch every night?  He does.  And apparently sometimes my rotten monster pug helps.

a new goal

I have a new goal.  It’s ridiculous.  I love it.  My goal is to wear every dress I own this summer.  I have quite a few dresses, but I feel like such a weirdo wearing them.  I grew up thinking dresses were stupid because that’s what happens when you are raised as a tom boy.  No matter how casual the dress I feel fancy and I always feel overdressed and self-conscious when I wear them.  But I love them.  So my goal this year is to wear each one, and not just around the house, and to do it confidently.  I have some freakin’ cute dresses and they are probably sick of the closet.  Dresses have feelings too.

The other day somebody moved my purse and I thought it had been stolen.  Is it sad that I was more upset about my purse missing than the actual contents inside of it??  I can cancel all my credit cards, but I may never be able to find this purse again.  I love that thing.

School is so hectic this time around.  There is so much more homework and a lot more to learn than there was last round of schooling.  It’s A LOT to take in.  I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t do much besides work, school and study these days.  My poor blog is a little neglected.  Priorities.  I love being at home more, but I really miss my internship.  I loved it so much!  The people were so great to work with and I learned a lot.  I do think there is a lack of compassion in health care though.  I watched one lady unwrap a guy’s hand.  He kept saying she was hurting him and she acted like he was faking.  She wasn’t being rough, but she could have been more gentle.  Even if he is being dramatic, he’s in major pain and has a right to be a bit dramatic.  While I was there a nurse was walking around telling people, “Come look at this freak!” about a baby just a few hours old.  She was born with a slight deformity in her hand.  She was such a beautiful baby.  I wanted to punch that nurse in the face.  I tried to get her name to turn her in, but never could.  I get that you can’t be devastated for every patient that comes in.  You have to distance yourself a little or the sadness is overwhelming.  But I do think there is a happy medium, and many of the people I worked with need to find that.  I hope I can always make somebody feel a little better.  I always know I’m seeing most of them at their hardest time.

a break from running

I’m going to take a little break from running.  Each time I run something different hurts.  Right now it’s the outside of my left ankle.  So for the next two weeks I’m going to lift.  I think I need to build my muscle back up so that I have more strength to run.  I’ve been a huge slacker with weights.  And running has been minimal thanks to pain.  My jeans are starting to get a little tight.  Not happy.  I have man calves muscle naturally, so it won’t be hard to get where I need to be.

No, it’s not a tumor.

Remember how my mom started running?  She called me yesterday to tell me about the shoe analysis she just had done and about her new, awesome running shoes.  She pushes off with her heels, so they hooked her up with some shoes to fix that.  They didn’t tell her that running differently would use different muscles and that running five miles might hurt like hell.  Her legs are super tight.  And she was excited about that… You know what they say… parents grow up to be just like their children.  AND she said she still owes me a birthday gift and asked if I still wanted LiLash or if I wanted new running shoes.  Running shoes baby!  I’ll take a hot body running over long eyelashes any day!  I think my Vibrams might be causing my issues.  I still want minimalist shoes, but I’m thinking something with a little more cushion will help me out.  I’m hoping they’ll tell me to go with the ones I had already decided to get because they are green I’ve heard great things.

Saucony Grid Type A4.  Beautiful.

I typed this up at work, then got home and felt fabulous.  So I uh… went for a run.  I decided to take my pug because he breathes louder than I do and it masks my choking noises is getting fat.  I knew he wouldn’t make it too far so I let him decide the distance.  0.74 miles in 6:42.  Turns out dogs get running trots too.  Poor guy.

I am a spoiled brat

It’s true.  I’m a spoiled brat.  But not for the reasons people seem to call me that for.  Like my new car.  I don’t think spending a quarter of my income on a new car means I’m a spoiled brat.  It means I work hard and pay my bills.  I also got called a spoiled brat A LOT when I bought my first house, brand new, at 18.  Working 80 hours a week to pay for it kind of disqualified me from the whole spoiled brat category.  Just sayin’.  My husband packs my lunch every night.  He tickles and rubs my feet every night for hours while we hang out.  He makes dinner 80 percent of the time.  Ok 95 percent of the time.  He takes me on dates.  He does the dishes every day.  And about four million other things.  Yeah, I am a spoiled brat.  Big time.  But the next person who calls me that because of my car is getting punched in the kidney.  Mmmkay?

Now that we have that cleared up meet the new love of my life car!!

10.5 hours of shopping later and I had me a 2011 Kia Sportage.

13 miles on it.  THIRTEEN!!

She looks marron-ish in these because it’s dark, but she is actually BRIGHT red!!

Don’t you just love her??  It has blue tooth phone, which I knew would make people on speaker phone throughout my car, but it also downloads my ringtone and when somebody calls it plays it through all my speakers.  The safety features on it are amazing.  It plays my iPod.  And the glove box is air conditioned to keep water bottles cold.  Read that last sentence as many times as you want… it isn’t a typo🙂

Before car shopping I got my butt outta bed and went for a run.  We hit up the parkway, and it was beautiful as expected.  No bums this time.  What the!  I guess early morning is a good time to go.  That place was loaded with other runners.  They make me jealous, because right now I really feel like I suck.  I’m trying to relearn to breathe.  My allergies are killing me so I’m choking on spit and snot the whole time.  No wonder my husband can’t keep his hands off me.  Mucus=irresistable.  I kept having to take walk breaks and it leaves me wondering… what the shit!!  It is so frustrating.  I just ran a marathon and I can’t make it three miles without stopping.  I’m calming my frustrations though and telling myself I’ll get “there”.  What makes me even more mad is the pain.  My whole left leg has hurt ever since… hip, knee, ankle and foot.  So I have a new plan.  Starting even slower.  I’m going at this SLOWLY.  As slow as my body needs to.  Because getting “there” fast doesn’t mean crap if I’m getting “there” injured.

In other news, my anti-running mother is suddenly running.  AND loving it!!  She started texting me the other day about rest days and cross training.  I wasn’t sure if it was her or if somebody stole her phone.  I’m so freakin’ excited!!  She ran FOUR MILES without stopping.  That is huge.  I’m wondering if I can talk her into a marathon after all.  Usually when I bring it up she looks at me like she is considering shanking me.  Maybe we can get “there” together.

crazy weeks are ova!

Well, for now anyways.  There seems to be more crazy weeks in my life than chill ones.  I drive myself crazy but I like being busy.  I just REALLY miss my husband.  Hopefully I can find a job doing phlebotomy a few nights a week until I’m ready to transfer over full time.

Today is a pretty exciting day!!  After my run I’m headed to (hopefully) get a new car!  I’m so excited about the run too.  Two of my good friends are coming with me and I’m taking them to a place they’ve never ran before.  I love this place!  It’s a paved trail, lined with trees and runs along the side of the Ogden River.  We are going just as the sun will be rising over the mountain we will be running towards.  It sounds magical, but if you know Utah, you know Ogden is ghetto.  The trail was their way of trying to make it nicer.  I think it’s turned into a place for the bums and drug dealers to hang out.

Last time I ran this I took my little sister with me.  I found a blood trail that lasted for miles.  Maybe it’s the hunter in me, but I had to follow it.  There is wildlife up there so I assumed it was animal blood.  About three miles in C grabbed my arm and said something was moving in the trees.  I figured she was just freaking herself out, so like a good sister I told her to shut it.  I heard something above us and looked up expecting a bird in the trees.  Imagine my surprise when I saw a bum in the trees about ten feet up.  They are an endangered species, the tree bum.  I planned on continuing down the trail, I mean stranger things have happened.  But he jumped out of the tree, landing gracefully in front of us.  And then he chased us.  Cigarettes and booze probably aren’t the best running fuel so he only made it about a half mile before he disappeared into the trees again.  And I had to wonder what really left that blood trail.

In hindsight, we should have probably called the cops.  But we were so freaked out we just wanted to get the hell out of there.  I’ll be sure to take my mace this time.  I’m pretty sure the three of us could kick a bum’s ass, endangered or not.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… they need to make running holsters.  My pistol doesn’t fit in my SPI belt.  But then again, where do you hide a gun in spandex?